There's a reason airlines tell you to put your own oxygen mask before attending to your children—you won't be able to help them if you're confused or unconscious due to lack of oxygen.
The same holds true when giving care to others—if you don't take time for self-care, you'll exhaust the very energy you need to care for others. Put yourself in the "balance" equation.You need to be intentional about setting aside time for yourself. If you wait until you have free time, you may well be waiting until retirement—leaving you susceptible to burnout.
It's critical that you learn to set boundaries. This is not only reasonable, but critical so that you have time for the important things, plus take care of yourself. Be honest about what is absolutely necessary—and where there is room for compromise or to say no. Being at your child's school play? Non-negotiable. Baking cookies for the party afterward? Not likely anyone will remember 15 minutes after the party ends if you don't.
And, learn to ask for help. People ask you for help all the time. Ask them to return the favor. They can always say no, but most won't—and may be delighted to lend a hand.
HelpGuide, a national nonprofit, suggests that, as a caregiver, you should pay attention to your emotional, social and physical health. We also know financial and budget issues can become stressors, so it's important to better manage your money wisely, and still plan for your own retirement, as well as your children's college expenses and other needs.
You can help yourself in the following ways:
Your Emotional Needs
- Watch out for signs of depression and anxiety, and get professional help if needed. (Remember, your EAP benefit provides free, unlimited telephonic support 24/7 as well as face-to-face counseling.)
- Take time to relax daily, learn how to regulate yourself, and de-stress when you start to feel overwhelmed.
- Talk with someone to make sense of your situation and your feelings.
- Feed your spirit. Pray, meditate, or do another activity that makes you feel part of something greater.
- Explore your beliefs, even if you don't consider yourself religious. Try to find meaning in your life and in your role as a caregiver.
Your Social and Recreational Needs
- Stay social. Make it a priority to visit regularly with other people. Nurture your close relationships.
- Do things you enjoy. Laughter and joy can help keep you going when you face trials, stress and pain.
- Maintain balance in your life. Don't give up activities that are important to you, such as your work or your hobbies.
- Get out of the house. Don't let yourself become isolated. Try to get out of the house at least once a day, even if it's just for a quick walk around the neighborhood.
- Give yourself a break. Take regular breaks from caregiving, and give yourself an extended break at least once a week.
- Find a community. Join or reestablish your connection to a religious group, social club or civic organization. The broader your support network, the better.
- Hold family meetings. This is important—to set expectations and boundaries, get help, and enlist others to share some of the responsibilities. There are ways even young children and frail elders can be part of the solution, but you have to let them understand the needs and give them a chance to meet them.
Your Physical Needs
- Exercise regularly. Try to get in at least 30 minutes of exercise, three times per week. Exercise is one of the best ways to relieve stress and boost your energy. So get moving, even if you're tired.
- Eat right. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress and get through busy days. Keep your energy up and your mind clear by eating nutritious meals at regular times throughout the day.
- Avoid alcohol and drugs. It can be tempting to turn to substances for escape when life feels overwhelming, but they can easily compromise the quality of your caregiving. Instead, try dealing with problems head-on and with a clear mind.
- Get enough sleep. Aim for an average of 8 hours of solid, uninterrupted sleep every night. Otherwise, your energy level, productivity and ability to handle stress will suffer.
- Keep up with your own health care. Go to the doctor and dentist on schedule, and keep up with your own prescriptions or medical therapy. As a caregiver, you need to stay as strong and healthy as possible.
Your Financial Needs
- Find and use a financial planner. You can alleviate a lot of stress by helping yourself and your parents protect your future and manage the present, and set reasonable boundaries and conditions around financial support for grown children and elders.
